thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize