I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
