Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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