He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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