I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
