You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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