I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
