I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
