how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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