im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
