Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
