i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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