I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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