How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize