allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
