His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
worst night to have a conscience
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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