captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
