trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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