Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
