guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
