i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
