Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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