My liver just broke up with me...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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