and you said cock pushups were impossible
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
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