I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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