For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
