he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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