Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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