Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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