literally had 100 drinks last night.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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