I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
