i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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