dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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