What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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