you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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