My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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