Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize