have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
