we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
