dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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