We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
im holly from the hills drunk
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You can't just leave with hair like that
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The ass gains better be worth it
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