i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
