I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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