nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You made out with two different species that night
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize