do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
