Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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