so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
