my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My vagina just clenched in fear
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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