Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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