i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
