Plan B is the new Plan A
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
