As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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