Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize