someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
