fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
