What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
