Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
