You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
