Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
