i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
