no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
