My hair reeks of homosexuality.
farters have to be the big spoon...
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
