if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I intend to get homeless drunk
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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