I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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