Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
