I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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